The Tellers

Nobody tells these alone.

They come out of a group. Somebody starts it, somebody else corrects a detail, a third guy remembers the part that makes it funny, and by the end four people have built the thing together. That is how these stories exist. That is how they have always existed.

Writing them down is one guy trying to get it on paper before we are all gone. These are the people it comes from.

This page will get sharper as more stories land. Right now you get what the nights have already forced onto the page. New tellers show up. Old blurbs get a better line. Nothing here is finished.

Me

The guy who types it all up, to the best of his ability. Not the best teller in this room. Not close. Just the one who noticed nobody was writing any of it down.

Bemis

Outsiders get told he was named after a toilet seat. Real friends know better. Says the unsayable and then orders a beer. Generates the funny, and the risk. Never pays for it. The best of friends anyone could ever hope to have.

Abe

Dark hair, beard, tall enough to go duck hunting with a butterfly net. Missing only the top hat. Best living storyteller in this room. If Big Mike were still here it would be a toss-up. Ask Abe and he’ll tell you Mike was better. Abe is fucking amazing in person. He adds the details that make it funny without even trying.

Monty

MAC to most of us. Close third. Amazing storyteller. Happily admits Abe and Big Mike were both slightly better than he is.

Hippie

Blonde hair halfway down his back. Not kind of long. Halfway down his back. Lights a fuse and leaves the state.

The Enron Asshole

Worked at the actual Enron until the whole thing folded. His personality matched the stock price . . . on the way down.

Playa69

Best roommate I ever had. Roommate before Bemis. Had a new girl over every week. Thus the nickname. Got married. Boxes, U-Haul, future.

Biff

DJ. Always working the club we somehow did not end up at.

El Redondo

The illegal immigrant from Denmark.

Big Mike †

Best non-living storyteller in this room. The best of us at this while he was here. If he were still alive it would be a toss-up with Abe. Ask him when he was here and he’d have told you Abe was better. He carried more of these stories than anybody, and he told them better than anybody. Some of them we can still get right without him. Some of them will never be as good again.

Jester †

Gone too. He was there for more of this than the record currently shows.

† means we lost them. The stories are still here. That is most of the reason for this site.